Friday night, while David was still out of town on business, I was looking forward to putting Nate down by 8:45pm (weekends we stay up a little later) and having a few hours to catch up on my PVR viewing. Things were going like clockwork until, oh 8:30pm.
8:31pm -- It takes me a minute to realize that there is an air raid siren going off in my house. Chilco wakes up and starts barking, 'cause, you know, that's going to help.
8:32pm -- I run into the hallway realizing that the smoke detector is going off. I race to Jake's room to see if the space heater has caught on fire. I see no smoke.
8:34pm -- I still see no smoke. Anywhere. I frantically wave Nate's book underneath the detector to clear the air. (Don't ask me of what. Stray dust particles, maybe?) It's not helping.
8:35pm -- Nate is standing in the living room hands plastered to either side of his head, elbows sticking out at 90 degrees. Jake finally wakes up out of deep sleep, screaming. The noise is driving me insane. Chilco is helpfully adding to the din.
8:36pm -- I realize that the smoke detector might also be a carbon monoxide detector. (I disabled our funky CO monitor last summer.) Scooping up Jakey and my cell, I run to the front door. Nate refuses to come outside into the cold. Chilco takes advantage of the open door to bolt outside the house.
8:37pm -- The noise is melting my brain. I also wonder why none of the neighbours are rushing to my aid. Surely they can hear this thing. Meanwhile, Chilco decides to rush at a car parking on our street and bark at the occupants, threatening to chew them alive if they step out of their car.
8:38pm -- I keep trying to shepherd Nate outside while holding a shivering, shaking Jakey who is still not really aware of what is happening. While intermittently screaming, "Come! Chilco! Come now! Chilco! Come!" I stare at the cell phone I'm holding and I can't remember our landlord's names (they live in the basement suite). I'm staring at the phone like I've never seen it before, while out of the corner of my eye I see Chilco run out on the street into the headlights of an oncoming vehicle.
8:39pm -- I finally remember, get C and B on the phone, and they say, "Hey Mandy.... Yes, we hear the noise. We thought maybe Nate had a new toy." (I think, "WTF? Seriously?") They tell me they think it's the battery in the smoke detector and they'll come up to help. I've decided that I can't hold Jakey, keep running to get Nate and worry about the dog, so I sacrifice the dog (and the people in the parked car he's decided to "attack") to their fates.
8:41 - 8:45pm -- C and B arrive, pull the smoke alarm down, take out the batteries, and wouldn't you know, the damn alarm is STILL SOUNDING. C figures out that the staticco blasts relentlessly destroying what's left of my hearing are coming from the house alarm system, not the actual smoke detector.
8:47pm -- They disarm the alarm and there is merciful silence. For one minute.
8:48pm -- The alarm starts up again, not to be defeated by mere 4-digit codes and OFF switches.
8:50pm -- Nate is now bawling in the living room, scared out of his wits.
8:55pm -- Chilco has given up on the black Audi and has come back into the house, running in circles, getting tangled up in everyone's legs.
8:56pm -- C stands by the alarm, punching in the code and the OFF switch every minute while B leaves to go to the store and buy 4 9-volt batteries: 2 for our detector, 2 for theirs downstairs.
8:58 -- 9:10 pm -- I decide to go into the living room and sit down while Jake rests quietly on my shoulder and Nate, still sniffling, sits next to me. I take this opportunity to teach Nate that if he ever hears this noise again, he should leave the house immediately.
9:12pm -- Chilco comes and velcros himself to my leg.
9:13 pm -- Jake decides that since he's up, he should get down and start playing. I realize that I am going to have to put him to bed, even if the alarm is still making a valient effort to KILL US ALL.
9:14 -- 9:34pm -- While Nate stands in the hall talking with C, I stand over Jakey's crib rubbing his back. Chilco is still crazy glued to my leg. Jakey keeps falling asleep and waking up within a minute. I decide to put Nate in his bed (same room) and keep rubbing Jake's back in an effort to get everyone to settle down. C is still wielding the magic combo over by the door as needed.
9:34pm -- I pat Nate's bed and Chilco immediately jumps up and huddles into Nate, resting his doggy head on Nate's neck and shoulders. Save for the sheer terror in Chilco's eyes, he looks like he's trying to spoon Nate. This makes Nate giggle. And remark that a) Chilco's head is heavy and that b) Chilco has bad breath. All true.
9:44pm -- Jakey is finally asleep, and Chilco shows no sign of abandoning his 4 year old protector, so I squish into the bed for a few snuggles.
9:54pm -- Nate is still wide awake, so I go out to talk with C and B, who has returned and replaced the batteries. We confer and, while the alarm seems to have admitted defeat, I am still worried.
10:00 -- 10:10pm -- C and B get a ladder and go inspect the crawl space in the attic at my
10:11pm -- We agree to reset and check the system tomorrow.
10:12pm -- I crawl into bed with Nate (still awake), and Chilco and fall asleep, later waking and stumbling to my own bed at 11:30pm.
3:00am -- I awake bolt upright in bed, realizing that the alarm has sounded a warning beep and is about to go off again. I rush into the hall, type a random 4-digit code that I hope approximates the correct one C told me however many hours ago and hit the OFF.
3:05am -- Nothing has happened, yet, but I can't peel my eyelids apart, and I refuse to sleep on the hall floor, so I stumble back to bed and mutter, "Just try it, you #$&!" at the alarm bell as I crash onto my pillow.
To Be Continued...
**You can mix French and Spanish in the title of a blog right?
3 Heard through the grapevine:
Of course this happens when you're parenting solo.
When we first moved into our new house, I dicked around with the alarm system trying to figure out the code (the previous owners never told it to us) and inadvertently armed it, trapping my wife in the kitchen and yours truly in the front hall.
This kind of thing NEVER happens when there are two parents at home. Never. It's absolutely against the laws of science.
So, if it was a house alarm (a security one, I assume?), were there not cops in this mix?!
P.S. Reading this post totally stressed me out a bit! Well done! Ha!
Yes, it's true. When there's only one person home, it all goes belly up.
SFD -- Um, so what happened? Did you manage to disarm it?
FADKOG -- Good question.
Post a Comment