And when I run into them, I'll tell you so we can all run screaming in the other direction.
While David has been away
1. Wake up, ingest lots of coffee. Start day. Everyone is cheerful.
2. Potty training progresses successfully (two morning pit stops on the plastic toilet gracing our living room). Group play in the playroom.
3. Go out in car to run errands/walk dog who is now crossing his legs/allow baby to fall asleep for a nap/escape the dirty dishes and laundry piles.
4. Eat out at swanky drive through like Micky D's. Feel guilty for about 15 seconds.
5. Return home in mid-afternoon. Spend time trying to keep eye on child who refuses to use potty for #2 and would rather escape in privacy to another part of house.
6. Clean up disasterous underwear. Repeat mantra: "Where does poo go?" which is dutifully followed by child: "In the potty or the toilet. Not in my pants." Sigh in frustration. Add to laundry pile.
7. Try to get both children to take a 45 min nap, mostly so I can nap. Give up after trying for 45 minutes.
8. Stop older child from tormenting the dog. Avoid looking at dog's baleful eyes. Shoo both out of doors to play in backyard.
9. Change sopping wet child who was too busy playing to use the potty.
10. Consider dinner options. Make rice cereal gloop for baby. Play paint the baby. Quit once I figure he's ingested 5 ml and is coated in 100 ml.
11. Try to stop older child from tormenting dog. Child is bored and whiny. Looks for ways to get negative attention: torment dog, torment mom, torment baby. Give innocent, "But I love Chilco/baby Jacob/you" as some sort of panacea.
12. Try to cook dinner, hold baby, avoid screaming at bored/overtired child.
13. Attempt dinner with squirming baby on lap while child refuses to eat because it's not peanut butter toast.
14. Try to put child down at 6pm. He doesn't bite.
15. Make it to 7 pm for pj's, stories, milk. Baby now screams if not being held and/or attached to a boob. Try to get milk sippy for Nate, potty run, stories read with one hand (try it sometime), teeth brushed, into our bed to sleep.
16. Child requests toy, back tickles, dog on bed, last ditch conversations, and "lie with me for a minute mommy" while baby screams bloody murder in playpen in living room.
17. Mom falls exhausted on couch and holds/feeds baby for 30 minutes while baby falls asleep. Intermittently yells at child to get back in bed.
But here's what my two angels look like around 10 pm. They're even holding hands.
2 Heard through the grapevine:
Good times!
Stopping through from Cynical Dad.
That was a fantastic summary of a day. Now I want to have a second child just so I won't feel guilty about eating at McDonalds. It's been over a year, I think, and I miss gorging myself on Mcnuggets and fries.
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